“Dear younger me,
He is so much better than this. He is kind and loving. He will not hurt you or lead you astray. He is not just using you like others have before. He will be proud to be with you. He will love your awkward quirks and who you really are. He will not simply leave when things get difficult. He will not keep record of wrongs. He will love you endlessly. He will always desire a deeper relationship with you. He will fight to get to know you more. He is so much better than the rest of the people/things you are filling that void with. He will always have time for you. He will always be willing to listen. He will be so much better than all of this.
My intention for this letter was to make you think I was talking about a boy. I wanted you to think I was comparing guys in the past to my fiancé now. And while these statements are sometimes true about my relationship with Tucker, they aren’t about him. They are about Him.
So many girls date and date and date to fill a void (and I have done it too). They want to feel valued, loved, appreciated, recognized, etc. The reality is, no guy’s ever going to be able to live up to that expectation. Jesus is the only person who has lived a perfect life. When you have that void, filling it with an imperfect person is not going to solve any problems. I am not saying it’s a bad thing to want that romantic love. It is normal, Adam was with God and God still created Eve for him. But when you are missing out on that perfect love, you shouldn’t try to fill it with anything other than God. If you do, you are only going to be left feeling more empty. And regardless of how perfect he seems; Chad is not going to be Jesus (Chad is your hypothetical boyfriend by the way). Whoever/whatever..
is not Jesus.
I think one of the reasons I am able to love Tucker so well is because I am not dependent on him. Our relationship is nothing but two imperfect people who want to help each other grow closer to God. I am not being fulfilled by Tucker. Yes, I love him very much and I look forward to being with him for the rest of my life. He pushes me in my walk, but my faith is not existent solely because of that encouragement. I know the difference from our relationship and my relationship with God. We often remind each other that too. It’s cheesy but we say things like “I love you more than anything, except God…” It seems odd but it makes sense.
I cannot expect Tucker to be perfect 100% all of the time. Just like he cannot expect me to be perfectly kind, never be upset, totally okay with him eating redvines for dinner, and always loving. We are both human and not Jesus. I am not saying we shouldn’t try to reflect God in how we love each other. But even though we are trying, we are not always going to always succeed in that task. So if he is the person I put my hope in, I am ultimately going to be let down.
Being able to differentiate those relationships is so important. My relationship with God is the single most important relationship I will ever have. Not my marriage, not my relationship with my kids, or my parents, or my friends, or my Netflix queue. Nothing is more important. I know am learning how to separate my relationships, younger Jordan did not. If you have ever been a high school girl, you know very well that it is nice being in a relationship. It is nice being seen with someone, being recognized as a couple, yada yada yada. But that cannot be what is filling you up. Because one day that guy you are depending on will ignore your calls. One day he will be a jerk. One day he will not love you unconditionally. One day he will blindside you and completely drop you. One day you will discover that he cannot be your Jesus.
We are designed with a desire to be with God. And so many people are searching for Jesus in the wrong places. It is not just high school girls; it’s the whole world. It is you and me! We try to fill that void with something else. Whether that is our phones, bank accounts, or relationships they are always going to fall short of the desire we are born with. It’s like having a hole in a lifeboat and trying to fill it in with a piece of bread. Yes, it looks like it fits (kinda sorta) but is not going to hold it together correctly and keep you from sinking. What are you seeking out hope in that will only leave you feeling more hopeless? What are you trying to fill that void with? Who/what are you making the “Jesus” of your life?
Pray about it! Share it with me so I can pray for you! Thanks a million for reading this, I hope this challenges you like it is challenging me!