Hello world! The older I get the more I realize how fake people tend to be on socialmedia (including myself). We always have to post a picture of what we’re doing if it’s fun, exciting, or different. It’s that whole “look at me look at me” kinda thing. For example, while I was still at GCU I was posting pictures of my dorm, my roommates, and my perfect college life. Little did the internet know that behind the selfies in purple, this girl was absolutely miserable and wanted to leave that school ASAP. But my question is, why do we do that? Why do I do that?
I feel like the whole world would be a whole lot happier if we were actually authentic with one another. And not just authentic to our friends/family we see all the time, but to the internet as well. No, I am not suggesting you profess your deepest darkest secrets to all of your Instagram followers. I am suggesting that instead of only advertising our highlights, we also are also able to be real. This way, we do not set these impossible standards of happiness/success for other people to envy. If you think you can only wish you had someone’s body that is a lie. Social media can make us envious of other people’s lives. This post is debunking my perfect internet life. This is my list of insecurities/truths/whatever else.
- I cannot stand the moles on my face; I do not like my body; I still compare myself to other girls I have never even met on my discover feed. People in high school used to make fun of my moles (including some close friends/ex-boyfriends) and it would hurt so bad. I use to hide them from pictures at all costs. People would always say “Why don’t you just get them removed?” Um hello…why should I get them removed? If they are a part of what makes me Jordan, shouldn’t you love me regardless? I now know that this is the way God made me and I love it. I am a chocolate chip cookie in a world of plain. And maybe I am not the skinny blondie, but I am the chunky-fit brunette. And that is completely okay with me.
- I do not have the perfect beauty routine. I love to post pictures when my hair is curled and my eyebrow game is strong. There is no denying that I post pictures when I think I look good. But one thing about that is that I sometimes spend hours getting ready. You read that right ladies and gents! HOURS. It takes me at least 40 mins to curl my hair. It takes probably 20 mins to do my makeup. And 20+ mins to pick out an outfit because of the vicious cycle I go through every time I get dressed (too much skin, not enough, too short, to long, ugh this makes me look fat, this makes me look dumb, this outfit is too much, this is too simple, I can borrow her shirt, ugh why aren’t my clothes this cute, wait only she can pull this off, ugh) And I don’t think I am alone in this. I think I just need to stop comparing myself to a look that is impossible to achieve.
- I do not have everything together in the slightest. Yes, I work two jobs and go to school online. I still wake up late for work sometimes (and sometimes waking up late means 4:00am). I still struggle finding time to work out. Most of the time I just go to yoga because I can work out and catch my breath for once. I miss assignments sometimes because I am not the perfect student. Yes, I lead worship. No, I am not always confident in my worship-leading abilities. My voice still cracks, I do not always want to rehearse, and sometimes I get snappy at Tucker when he suggests we try to sing “King of my Heart” (it can’t be done with my alto voice babe). I still stay up too late and give in when I am trying to meal prep. I’m sorry… but if it is 9pm and I work at 5 the next day, do you honestly think I am going to pass up that Chick-fil-a drive-thru on my drive home? I am not perfect so I should not try to convince the world that I am.
- I do not have the perfect relationship. Yes, I am dating my best friend in the whole world, but that does not mean we get along 100% of the time. I post pictures of Tucker because he’s awesome and I love him to bits, but there is no such thing as the perfect boyfriend. Sorry ladies, if that’s your standard you are probably going to die alone with 50 cats (I am kind of totally kidding). Behind the Instagram feed we don’t always agree. And sometimes we struggle to communicate what we really mean. We both have our own baggage. Our relationship is made up of two imperfect people who struggle to show each other the love of Jesus, but still choose each other every day. And in complete honesty, without Jesus we would not still be together (or be together at all).
- I am not the perfect Christian girl. I occasionally say bad words when I stub my toe. I do not always read my Bible. I continually fall short and occasionally forget to pray. Some nights when my head hits the pillow I don’t even have the ability to think. Sometimes I put myself before my Father. And God still loves me. I am not the cookie-cutter Christian, I am a stumbling Christ-follower. And the beauty behind the Gospel is, He loves me still. And if you know someone who is perfect let me know because I’d totally love to meet Jesus.
So that is pretty much it. I’m sorry if you were expecting an inspirational story or whatever. Maybe this can help you see that I am not even close to perfect and you don’t have to be either. Awesome. Thanks for reading my fellow people of the internet.