A lot of my friends from high school don’t know who Tucker is or how we came to be so that is what this is. I also really love telling people about us/our story/how amazing Tucker really is. So in a nutshell….I love love love Tucker Swann. For those of you who don’t know Tucker is my boyfriend/best friend/ministry partner/fellow worship leader/barista bud. People kinda look at me funny when I tell them he’s the man I’m going to marry. But it is absolutely true. We have only been together officially for 7 months but I knew he was everything from the start. I always thought he was kind, incredibly smart, Christ-like, handsome, and amazingly talented. But I never really considered him an option because I thought I could never be with a guy as great as him. I figured I always had to lower my standards because I didn’t actually deserve an amazing man.
If you know Jesus at all you know that he is incredible. He is loving and patient and powerful and selfless and infinitely more. I have known that since I was about 13 but never knew how to center my relationships around him. The Summer of 2016 I decided Jesus was my new standard for guys. I had just graduated high school and literally just started working in ministry as an intern (like that week). I was dating a boy I went to high school with who kinda knew Jesus but didn’t lead me in Christ at all. My middle schoolers had summer camp in Pine Valley, California. Prior to the trip another intern asked the whole group what they wanted from Starbucks. Much to my surprise he actually brought me my pink drink. There was a running joke from the start that we are going to get married because of the way we “look at each other” while leading worship.
We drove across the desert all morning and got to camp. I got all my girls settled in their cabin and we went to dinner. Across the mess hall I saw Tucker. He sat there wearing skinny jeans, a purple t-shirt, a pair of chucks and he was staring at me. It was not discreet at all and my friend Sarah noticed. “He’s totally staring at you Jo!” she said. I shrugged it off and laughed.
The next morning at breakfast I looked across the room and our eyes meet. Sarah laughed and told me to get up and she’d see if he was still staring. I went over to fill up my juice (that wasn’t even halfway gone) just to see if he looked over at me. I got back to our table and our theory was correct! This boy was looking at me and it was not on accident. After I finished eating I noticed him and my other friend looking at me and laughing. I got up and asked him why they were laughing at me. They then proceeded to tell me that it is because I was “dressed like a mom” okay thanks. But in a sad way it was definitely true because I dress like a mom a lot.
The rest of the week goes by and our students tease us because we stare at each other a lot. It was hard not to catch him when he was looking at me because of his bright blue eyes. I remember talking to him a lot more often than necessary. Like when he had to explain the rules to volleyball to me on the beach. Or when I had to ask him questions about how to run a certain game for our students (even though I knew a majority of the games forwards and backwards). Or the day of the color war he absolutely covered me in red dye (romantic right?). And the staring definitely continued at meals from both of us. Don’t get me wrong we were working at this camp! I promise it wasn’t all just me aimlessly flirting with a guy.
The second to last night of camp we had a talent show. Of course we had to sing together, it’s what we do! We signed up on a whim and had no idea what to sing. We sat outside the building surrounded by mosquitos and stars. We tried maybe five different secular songs but just couldn
Then the last full day of camp came around. We actually had an afternoon of free time. Tucker somehow convinced my group of girl students to hang out with his group of guy students. We took them to the zip line and they literally all left us. Then he suggested we go to the coffee shop to catch up. I rushed to my cabin to change my clothes and then ran back to meet him there. We sat there and talk for about two hours. He didn’t just talk either, he asked questions about my life! *cough* take notes boys *cough* We talked about my senior year, his tattoos, college, his job, our worship band, my boyfriend at the time, how horrible Fetty Wap’s music is, Jesus, our favorite verses, Two Door Cinema Club, Colony House, and Hippo Campus of course. I remember how effortless it was to carry out a conversation with him. I also remember feeling so awkward when he asked me about my boyfriend at the time. I think somewhere deep down we both knew I wanted him to be the one I told people about when I talked about my boyfriend.
That night we got called onstage to lead the final worship song of the night together. I remember feeling so close to God. There really is no better feeling in the entire world than getting to see kids worship God. And not just worship God by reciting the lyrics but genuinely letting go and worshiping the Creator. If you have never experienced that oh my golly it will send shivers down your spine. It still is one of my favorite experiences ever. But I totally cried and Tucker and I got together and the whole band prayed over us. We prayed about our students and our worship ministry. It was the absolute best. I wrote him a note that night that said “Tucker, thank you for helping me show the love of God through music. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. -Jordan”
Later that night I tried to call my boyfriend and he was at a party. I waited on the phone for a little while but then I just didn’t care anymore. I think I knew it was the end that night. I put down my phone and not two minutes later this tall blonde guy added me on snapchat. I wish that I could say that after camp we got back home and immediately started dating. I wish that everyone lived happily ever after and we went to coffee shops and made each other pee with laughter. But that unfortunately was not the case (yet).
We went back to our normal lives. We only really saw each other at work on Sundays and maybe a few days during the week. There was a day where we had to go to Guitar Center because I needed help finding something for my bass. I have an incredibly vivid memory of him playing “Come Together” and “Santeria” on the drive down Elliot. We sang and laughed and just enjoyed being together. Then it was back to real life. He went to New Mexico and a few weeks went by. I went to San Diego and flew home early just so I could lead worship for Young Adults with my trusty worship leader. Then a few weeks later I left for Latvia on a mission trip.
Latvia is always an amazing trip. It is a beautiful place filled with some amazing people who love Jesus with everything they have. For some reason that whole trip I could not stop thinking about Tucker. We got off the plane in London and I saw his doppelgänger. The week went by and I saw lots of little reminders of him. I heard his favorite worship songs, I saw his name on bags of chips, and everyone kept asking me about him. My days were filled with questions like”Do you miss Tuck yet?” and “Doesn’t that make you miss Tucker?” or “You know who loves Star Wars? Tuck!”
In Viesite I texted him asking him something stupid about who he thought Rey’s dad was. Then in Riga, I asked if he had heard the new Hillsong album. Then we got to Finland and I found another dumb excuse to text him. In London, I arranged a time to rehearse with him back at home the next day. When I got home I broke up with my boyfriend officially. Later that day I had worship practice with Tuck.
Being back and singing worship songs together was lovely. There is no better way to grow closer to a person than to grow your relationship with Christ together. I think that’s why we became what we are so quickly. It didn’t take me long to figure out that he felt the exact same way. It didn’t take us long to say I love you. And it is still effortless with him. It is so easy to talk with him or even just sit in silence because I am with him. I love him and that is how we came to be. I feel like even though I wish we could’ve been together much earlier this is how it had to be. He fell in love with the person I am now and not the immature girl I was when we met years ago. God has shaped me into who I am and has led us to each other. And I thank Him every single day that he did.